July/Aug 2017 • Vol. XXXIX No. 4 PoetryJuly 1, 2017 |

Self-Portrait as Myself

And now I, Meghan, have grown tired, have come to the limits of my aesthetic fidelity. It is nearly summer, and summer seems shorter to me and winter longer and longer, as if life withits inevitable accumulation of griefsshifts time the way the myth said: casting a layer of snow over all our losses. I want a daughter, but the daughter I'll never have I can't imagine more than I already have. I'd like to say,these are the stories my mother read me, and she is gone, and six decades pass fast, so much faster than the mind can takein all the distorted love it feels for the world, all the knowledge it accrues and wants to continue to accrue, and in not being able to imagine her—Stop. Stop here, and feel the light and the heat throughthe window by my desk and remember the fields I've stood in, the prickling of grass at my leg, the propeller planes hymning past, and the daughter I lost by not making her, the whorls of her fingers like the twisting of clouds above, the high and possiblevo

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Meghan O’Rourke, a poet and essayist, is the author of three collections of poetry, most recently Sun In Days. The recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship and two Pushcart Prizes, she teaches in the writing programs at NYU and Princeton.

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Dread

By Meghan O’Rourke

And now I, Meghan, have grown tired, have come to the limits of my aesthetic fidelity. It is nearly summer, and summer seems shorter to me and winter longer and […]

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