May 23, 2018KR BlogBlogLiterature

Your Online Dating Profile Written by Famous Writers

The Misunderstood Detective With a Poet’s Soul:

About You:

You love to dwell in uncertainties. You relish the chance to analyze anything, whether it be a text, film, or person. The whole world is your mystery. You don’t love the surface but the wild places that lurk beneath.

Dating Profile:

“I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone.”

—Rainer Maria Rilke

“She is used to tripping out on layers of complexity in total silence.”

—Chris Kraus

“We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edges of print. It gave us more freedom. We lived in the gaps between the stories.”

—Margaret Atwood

The Wild Child Hungry For Life:

About You:

You are always seeking the next high. Nothing is ever enough but that’s just the way you like it. Your greatest aim is to be jolted into being. You got second degree burns as a child from chasing shooting stars.

Dating Profile:

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

—Jack Kerouac

“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.”

— Miguel de Cervantes

“I’d like to get away from earth awhile /

And then come back to it and begin over.”

—Robert Frost

The A Little Bit of an Existentialist, A Little Bit of an A-hole:

About You:

You march to the beat of your own drum. You can’t be held accountable for everybody else’s hurt feelings. Some people need therapy and some people just need to get a grip. It’s like people don’t get that they control their own destinies and identities. You’ve made a conscious choice to shape your own adventure, and everybody better get out of the way.

Dating Profile:

“There is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there.”

—Bret Easton Ellis

“Terror made me cruel.”

—Emily Brontë

“Some men get the world, some men get ex-hookers and a trip to Arizona.

—James Ellroy

The Pragmatist Do-Gooder:

About You:

As far back as you can remember, people could rely on you. You’re everybody’s first phone call. You listen, think carefully, and then dispense the sort of advice they needed all along. You don’t purport to know it all, but you’re willing to walk awhile with another person and truly listen.

Dating Profile:

“My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.”

—Jane Austen

“It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning.”

— H.G. Wells

Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

—Albert Camus

“It’s much better to do good in a way that no one knows anything about it.”

—Leo Tolstoy

The Romantic Who Can Never Be Alone:

About You:

You can’t think back to a time when you weren’t in love. Passion is your resting state. It’s the sentiment that wakes you and puts you to bed at night. To be alone is to miss out on the core of existence. There may be life without another heart beating near yours, but you don’t want to live it.

Dating Profile:

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”


“Love loves to love love.”

—James Joyce

“I know. I was there. I saw the great void in your soul, and you saw mine.”

— Sebastian Faulks

“Perhaps it was freedom itself that choked her.”

— Patricia Highsmith

“It is a great misfortune to be alone, my friends; and it must be believed that solitude can quickly destroy reason.”

—Jules Verne

The Cynic Who Got Burned By Love:

About You:

There was a time when you allowed yourself to be so very wide-eyed and tender and it bit you in the haunches. You don’t call it bitter so much as awakened to life’s more tragic qualities.  It’s not that you can never trust again, but just that it would require something like, say, a rare astronomical event.

Dating Profile:

“She had waited all her life for something, and it had killed her when it found her.”

—Zora Neale Hurston

“The desire to get married is a basic and primal instinct in women. It’s followed by another basic and primal instinct: the desire to be single again.”

—Nora Ephron

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.”

—Haruki Murakami

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

—Robert Frost

“History . . . is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.”

—James Joyce