November 7, 2008KR BlogUncategorized

The Concession

McCain’s spectacular loss Tuesday almost met its match in a concession speech dangerously close to being pretty good.

There were only a couple problems with the concession. The first was its not having been delivered months ago. I know such a move would have been deemed premature by strategists, but it would have made my life less stressful. I’m not being flip here. Well, maybe a little flip. But seriously: how long do campaigns need to be? Let’s let a little fiscal and temporal conservatism into our electoral process. Let’s not risk becoming a land of the eternal campaign, with campaigns forever lumbering alongside elected government.

The concession’s other problem didn’t have to do with McCain, but the gathering before him. I’m not the first blogger to notice this, but before McCain a large number of llamas, cows, sheep, alpacas, and goats stood in the crowd of human political losers. More than one conservative blogger there for the event complained of the stench of these animals’ freely passed gas.

At points during the concession, the animals grew restless. There was an unmistakable lowing and moaning at loud volume. McCain tried to pacify his loyal quadrupeds, throwing handfuls of feed in their direction. But with war injury compromising arm rotation, he wasn’t successful.

I know what you’re thinking: What are pre-verbal barnyard animals doing in American politics? I don’t know, and I think it’s now occurred to our nation’s more sentient conservatives that animals might not benefit their party. It looks like the GOP may well become the true party of change, in other words. In a recent flourish of sentience, Rush Limbaugh opined that there needs to be “a new party, a new GOP–one without goats, certainly.” We’ll see.